Everything Started Out OK, and Then.....

I went shopping Friday evening--just as I do every Friday evening. ALONE. That's the best part. I don't have anyone throwing a fit because I'm not buying toys, or CDs or whatever.

Last year, I made a master list of everything we use or could ever need. I run one off once a week and circle what we need. Then I go to my trusty coupons and pull out the ones we will use and put them in the front of my organizer. Now before you think I'm completely anal, I am, but that doesn't mean I'm completely rigid. I do go off the list from time to time. I just want to make sure I'm not forgetting anything.

I went grocery shopping, to Target for underwear and shampoo and then to Costco--oh how I love the Costco. Sigh!!!! Almost as much as I love Target, but that's another post.

After a good 3 hours of retail therapy, I came home to find Paul looking rather sad. I figured he was tired and the boys were all over him. So when I asked him how the boys were and if anything was wrong he said, "Nah, nothing's wrong, but your Auntie Jean called. Larissa wants to see you."

At that point, you could have knocked me over with a feather. I called my Aunt, thinking Paul must have heard her wrong or something. But he was right. Larissa wanted to see me.

People tell me how much they hate hospitals all the time. Duh!!!! I have yet to meet anyone who actually LIKES hospitals. Maybe doctors and nurses, but to sit around visiting someone sick--no love lost there. I done it way too much. My grandmother had heart problems, then Paul's parents both had cancer and other health problems, then my Uncle Don, my mom....way too much time spent in the hospital. But I'm really good at putting on my happy face and getting a special get well gift and sitting there. My reputation precedes me--lonely and want someone to sit with you when you are sick??? I'm your girl.

I do it because I love my family. When I had my boys, I had visitors (not my mom) and I was glad to have them. As I have said before, I am not a big fan of hospitals and having visitors took my mind off of being there.

Larissa wanting to see me shocked me. Donnie and she are private people and I thought she'd want just her son, grandson, husband and my aunt around her. But she was looking for me.

I remember meeting her when I was around 5 years old. She was really cool (and 16 years old). She was nice to me and didn't treat me like a baby. I've always liked her. She's loud and funny and she makes me laugh.

My Auntie Jean warned me she might or might not know me, or even remember I was there. I told her I understood and I was prepared. My MIL and Uncle Don both died from brain tumors. There isn't much I haven't seen.

She was asleep when I went in. My cousin Donnie (her husband) was there and we talked a lot. When she finally did wake up, she was really groggy and told Don, "God, that looks just like cousin Sheri." "It is me, you crazy woman!!" I said. We both laughed. I was there over 4 hours. She is lucid at times and at other times, has no idea what is happening to her.

She was still able to eat on Saturday and asked her if she wanted me to get her some pierogi from Pierogi Fest. She giggled and said yes. And I told her I'd be back.

I went back yesterday, pierogi in hand, only to find she can't eat solids anymore. She is still lucid about 30% of the time, but is going downhill quickly. She might get to go home today. There is nothing more the hospital can do for her. Treatments would just make her sicker and the tumors will not shrink anymore.

She is going to die soon. And the only thing I can do is bring her mashed up pierogi.

Respect the Van

Ahhhhh. Weekends. Life is good on weekends. Paul is home to help with da boys. Paul is home and WILLING to help with da boys. I get to do some serious retail therapy.

We only have one car now. Actually, it is a minivan. I gave up years ago, people. I love my minivan. We did the SUV thing for a couple of years, but needed that third row seat and didn't want to have to pay our annual salary to get it.

Having one car--ahem, minivan, makes it hard during the week. I have two choices. I can either stay home or I can take Paul to work and then pick him up. Since Paul has to be up and outta here at 2-3:30 am, option 2 will only happen when I absolutely NEED to be somewhere. So, Monday through Friday until 5 pm, I'm stuck.

Being stuck isn't such a bad thing all the time. Even if we did have that elusive second car, I wouldn't be doing much more than I do now in terms of going anywhere. We are within walking distance of 3 parks, the downtown area, and a little grocery store is two doors down. We don't live in da country.

Just imagine, if you will, being told by your doctor that you can't have, oh I dunno, lunchmeat anymore. You aren't a lunchmeat eater, maybe a sandwich a month or so, but now, you can't have it at all. What's the first thing you are going to want upon arriving home from the doctor's office???? I'm willing to bet it is a bologna sandwich with a salami chaser and a shot of honey ham and turkey. That's sortve what it is like for me. I don't really have to go anywhere during the day, and the van would sit in our driveway all day long, but you know, just having it there makes me feel better.

My biggest concern is when school starts. I'm gonna need something for going to PTC stuff and then there's the room mom meetings. I could walk I suppose, but in rain and cold weather???? Um, I don't think so. Fat girl wants her car-um, van.

We have been looking. Surprisingly, with gas prices going up up up, used minivan prices are NOT going down, down, down. And if it weren't for crap credit, we'd have no credit at all. So, the search for a 3-5 year old minivan with automatic seats and air is on. Hopefully, we won't have to sell a kid or a kidney to have one within the next 3 weeks.

Wish us luck.

Mother of the Year

OK....when I was a total bitch to Matt last week, I felt like maybe Aunt Flo would be moving in for her monthly appearance soon. Yesterday was soon.

I am going to be one of those crazzzy bitches who complains about her period, but I'll stop, I promise. So if you can't handle it, go down a couple of paragraphs....really. Pinky promise.

TMI: I have awful periods. The carniage....I wear overnight pads because that is the only thing that can handle the stuff. And I cramp up like hell. Now, mix any kind of pain killer with that, and you get ultra carnage, so I try to suck it up and do without. Usually though, around day 3 and maybe 2 pairs of ruined underwear later, I give up and then all hell breaks loose.

I HAVE been to the doctor about this. They can do nothing. Even an increase in my synthroid doesn't do much. When I first started taking it, yeah, things got better--if you count better being 5 days a month wearing a diaper instead of 8. And my cramps went down to the "almost tolerable" instead of the "give me a spoon so I can scrape out my uterus myself" variety.

Hey, but I'm all about the fun right????

It is 9 am here. So far, I've emptied my dishwasher, made some coffee and feed my kids a vanilla shake for breakfast.

Yep. A. vanilla. shake. I've officially entered the I-don't-give-a-shit-anymore land. They thought they could ask for smoothies, and I don't have any of the stuff to make them now, so they happened upon the ice cream. Begging and pleading ensued and they won.

You can vote me in for mom of the year any time you choose.

I just want to state for the record that the other oh, 27 days of the month, I put a lot of effort into raising my kids and making sure they eat a combination of healthy foods--lots of fruits and veggies, milk, 100% juice. I cook a lot. I am not perfect, Friday's are pizza night. We eat McDonalds once a month. We do crafts, play outside. Read, run around and go to the park.

There will probably be none of that today. I have hit a brick fucking wall.

So, Internet, the mom of the year application will be on my fridge. Feel free to stop on by and fill it out. Just make sure to take one or both of the little kids with you when you leave--oh, and while you are here, you can borrow a dog or three too.

Have a nice day. I'm going back to bed.

Snippets of My Day

Because my life is oh so interesting, I figured I would let you know how my day went in bullet point.......cuz I'm all about the fancy.

• Got up at 6 ALONE....made coffee, unloaded the dishwasher.
• Nate got up at 7. Was quiet and watched PBS kids shows.
• Quinn didn't emerge until almost 9, probably because he woke up at 11 last night and decided he wanted to hang out with me. He fell asleep again at 12:30.
• Gave the boys 3 choices for breakfast: blueberry pancakes, eggs or cereal. They chose cheese. I asked twice more and then gave up. It was cheese and fruit for breakfast, because I'm such a great mommy.
• Bob shit in the basement. And Quinn stepped in it.
• 15 minutes later, Nate got the big d, and had problems getting all of it off his butt.
• Nelson peed on the kitchen floor--in his defense, I knew he had to go out, and if he could have crossed his paws and performed the pee-pee dance he would have, then Nate had his butt issues and I got sidetracked, and oh well.....
• Nate ended up wanting a bath.
• Quinn wanted one too.
• Answered e-mail, played with their Webkinz so Quinn could get the couch he wants.
• Called mommy.
• She's deaf.....she talked with my Auntie Jean. My cousin has 3 weeks--not 3 months.
• Got boys out of tub. Cleaned the floor. Sent them to living room to take a break.
• Nate falls asleep. Quinn sucks his thumb and falls over 10 minutes later.
• Lunch was hot dogs, chips, carrot sticks and applesauce.
• Milk guy delivered milk.
• Bob shit in basement--again.
• Outside for an hour and a half before Quinn tried to beat Nate with a wiffle ball bat because Nate called him a "booger."
• Matt finally wakes up.
• Matt takes out garbage and asks for 4 bucks.
• I gave it to him and he left for places unknown.
• Get dinner ready. Speghetti with meat sauce and garlic breadsticks.
• Paul comes home.
• Talk to Auntie Jean without interuption. She asks me to call my great Aunt Lou.
• Call Aunt Lou and let her in on what's happening.
• Cry.
• Cry some more.
• Talk to best friend, Mo. We talk almost everyday, but haven't seen each other in oh, 2 years. She lives 2 hours away in Indianapolis.
• Join a coupon site.
• Take IQ test--133--not bad for an airhead.

Write blog. So there you have it. My day in a nutshell. I'm going to bed now. My darling husband will be up at 3am. Have a great night.

The Call

My dad has two sisters and a brother.

My Uncle Danny died at the tender age of 26 from an infection that caused his brain to swell. There's a medical name for the condition, but I couldn't even come close to spelling it and I'm sure spellcheck would declare me insane, so I'm not going to bother now. Uncle Danny left behind his young bride and two children. I was born less than a month after he died.

Then there's Aunt Pat. She's a couple of years younger than my dad and older than Uncle Danny. Her second husband killed her. I won't get into the details now, but if you are interested, let me know. Aunt Pat was loud and crass. She talked like a truck driver. She was very crafty and thanks to that, I have some beautiful baby blankets, quilts and the like. But she had a way of stirring the pot, so to speak. She tended to talk behind your back, and it wasn't always nice. My mom always told me to watch out what I said around her. But from a kid's standpoint, she was the "fun" aunt. I still have the giant Barbie doll she got me in 4th grade. Good times.

Then there's my. favorite. aunt. ever--Auntie Jean. She was, is and always will be Auntie to me. She is only 11 months younger than my dad. Words won't do justice to how kind and sweet she is. As a kid, I appreciated Aunt Pat's humor and personality more. Auntie Jean was harder to get to know, so to speak. She is mild-mannered. Quiet. Kind. Gentle. Generous with her actions as well as with gifts. She gives from her heart. I didn't really understand that until I went away to college. She wrote to me--a lot. That meant the world to me. Her letters were funny and sweet and she always put stickers all over them. About every third letter, she'd send me a few bucks, but asked that I keep that a secret. She wasn't giving Azzwipe any money and didn't want my parents to be offended. I always wrote back.

My Auntie Jean married my Uncle Don in 1952. Theirs was a marriage to be envied. He opened doors for her and helped her put on her coat. They held hands. He called her "his sweetie." Uncle Don was also quiet and unassuming. Once, again, I didn't appreciate him until I got older. We would talk about sports and the like. He was a funny sweet man. I loved him very very much. I say loved, because two years ago this September, he died from a brain tumor.

My Auntie Jean and Uncle Don had two children--Donny and Kenny. My Aunt always told me she wanted more, but she never got pregnant again. Kenny died 2 days before his 21st birthday. He got in with the wrong crowd as a teenager, and had problems with drugs. I was 9 years old when he died. The only thing I remember about how he died was hearing he had drugs in his system and got punched in the face. He passed out and blood filled his lungs.

Donny was diagnosed with lung cancer last September. In December, his wife passed out, was taken to the ER and was diagnosed with a brain tumor. The cancer has spread in both of them. Both have lived passed the time they were supposed to according to their doctors. They are 56 and 52.

Donny's wife was taken to the hospital yesterday. Things aren't good. The cancer is all over her body. Auntie Jean spent the night at the hospital yesterday.

About 10pm my mom called me to let me know. I hate phone calls after 9pm. Mostly because Paul has to get up at 2:30 am to go to work, and he needs his beauty rest, but also because any calls after 9 usually do not involve good news.

So, for now, we are all just waiting to hear anything. My mom said she talked to Auntie Jean but she was in the room with Donnie and didn't want to say anything else that would upset them further. But she did tell my mom things are going downhill and my cousin has been given less than 3 months.

I love and believe in God and Jesus. I just don't understand why things happen like they do.
Any words of wisdom there would be appreciated as well as prayers.

Thanks internet. I love ya.

E-Bay Love and My Stoopid Mistake

Disclaimer: Lots and lots of cursing to follow. If you continue to read and are easily offended. Too bad, you were warned.

Gosh dang it. Heck. Durned it.

Oh, hell, you guys can take it.......Shit on a stick.

I'm pissed. Why you ask???????????? Well....dammit. I screwed up....really.

I love e-bay. And e-bay loves me. As well it should, I've bought enough stuff from there. Seriously.

I love e-bay because they have a ton of stuff. And no matter what it is you need, it can be found on e-bay. For example, a couple of Christmases ago, my parents found a full set of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs music boxes. So pretty. And I loves me my Disney. So I was thrilled--thrilled enough to cry. The next year, while decorating for Christmas, Paul broke 3 of them. To say I was pissed would be a momumental understatement. But then it hit me. E-bay. So, I looked them up and low and behold, there they were, I could buy each dwarf individually or buy the entire set. Such options. Paul was happy too---happy with the knowledge that his dick was going to remain intact.

So, a few weeks ago, I got Quinn a really cute lunch pack with Spiderman on it. It was embroidered with Quinn's name. The thing originally came from Pottery Barn for $27 including the personalization. I got it for under $10. What can I say, I loves me a deal. I went on again yesterday looking through the Pottery Barn kids stuff, hoping to find the bookbags I wanted for the boys, and praying for a deal. Lo and behold, there's the backpack with Nate's name on it. This shit never happens to me, or at least it doesn't happen consistently. So I watched it, ready to pounce. I calculated the shipping and how much the name would cost, and knew anything less would be a deal, and waited.

And waited, and refreshed the computer, and waited. I was going to get this dammit. It was mine. Then I got bored. I figured I would dust off the computer. So the monitor got sprayed down and cleaned and the tower thingie, and then you know the keyboard could use a wipe off.....

I went to refresh and then I heard the music....you know the notes that indicate your computer was shutting down. And then nothing. Two minutes left and the damned thing shut down. Fuck. Shit. Dammit. Sorry.

So, I turned back on and waited. I probably should mention now that I got this POS from e-bay for under $200. A deal yeah, but the deal is--it is slow. So, it is coming back and of course, I keep on getting the "your stuff needs to reboot because you screwed up and didn't close down right" message, and I'm calling the computer a bitch and a motherfucker and so on. Meanwhile, my kids are standing there and looking at me like I've lost my mind---because you know, I have at this point. (I've never seen them so still and quiet. I'm sure they were taking mental notes about how they were going to use the words bitch and motherfucker in a sentence on the first day of school).

I finally got back to e-bay and my originally priced at $42 sold for $13.50.

I am taking this as a sign from God. I should stop cleaning.

100 Things About me

Ok....I have read other people's blogs and they have these 100 lists.....I tried to put mine elsewhere, but I went over my 500 character limit. I spent some time on this, so here it is.

1. I share a birthday with George Harrison (Feb. 25)
2. I turned 40 this year. (2008)
3. I attended Ball State University (alma mater of David Letterman, Jim Davis--the guy who created Garfield, and Joyce DeWitt--Janet of Threes Company.
4. Matt's birth father, Bud, was my first love and really broke my heart when he left me.
5. I got over him and know we are better off without him.
6. I met Paul on a dare to place a personal ad.
7. Our second date, we figured out we had actually met when I was pregnant with Matthew and he was engaged to someone else.
8. I knew from the second week we were dating that he was the one.
9. We were married two years before we found out he was sterile.
10. I went a little nuts for awhile and tortured myself by going to Babies R Us and looking at baby stuff.
11. We went through fertility testing and 2 unsuccessful IUIs before getting pregnant with Nate.
12. Nate was a twin. I lost that baby at 7 weeks.
13. I was so grateful for one baby making it, I didn't mourn the twin until I was in labor and I had to have 2 sacs broken.
14. Quinn is my mini me.
15. He was only 3 weeks early but almost died because his lungs weren't mature yet.
16. I didn't handle the entire baby in the nicu well. I woke up screaming after 90 minutes of sleep.
17. Paul was afraid for me at that time, he called the doctor daily to ask what he should do.
18. Matt is autistic and was not expected to speak, read, do math, or socialize.
19. He graduated in June 2008, received 6 varsity letters, made the honor roll, and has a girlfriend.
20. Nate has aspergers
.21. Nate is one smart cookie and is harder to work with than Matt.
22. I worry about Quinn and watch for signs all the time.
23. I also worry about worrying too much about Quinn, I don't want to make too much out of nothing.
24. I have always wanted to be a SAHM.2
5. My house is a mess and that drives me nuts.
26. I have tried doing FlyLady and love her, but I need to declutter.
27. I hate doing laundry.
28. I love grocery shopping.
29. I wish I had just a little me time to scrapbook and cross stitch.
30. I have fought depression for years, sometimes with medication, and sometimes not.
31. Paul had a bad 3 years on the job scene, so no insurance, so no medication, I've been on my own.
32. He just went back to work and finally has a good job.
33. I hope this one works out cuz I make a crappy poor person.
34. My favorite color is red.
35. I love Nancy Grace's hair.
36. Most people don't know who Nancy Grace is so they can't imagine her hair.
37. I used to be very into fashion and accessories.
38. Being poor and overweight can sure put a crimp in clothing choices, so I gave up.
39. Before getting pregnant with Nate, I lost almost 90 lbs.
40. I've gained part of it back.
41. I want to lose the weight again.
42. My blog name comes from a college buddy who drove up to a McDonald's drive up and said, "I'd like world peace and a cheeseburger please." It was funny at the time.
43. We have 4 dogs now, but have owned 4 other dogs.
44. Our jack russell terrier, Merit, died 3 years ago.
45. We adopted her niece, Snapshot, shortly afterwards.
46. Snap was pregnant at the time and our breeder didn't know it.
47. I don't know nothing about birthing puppies.
48. Starr was a still birth.
49. Luckie died two days later--Snap layed on him and smothered him.
50. Snap got cancer and died less than a year later.
51. Paul still cannot look at jack russell terriers without tearing up.
52. I tear up too.
53. Our chocolate lab, Clara, died recently too. We miss her.
54. I am adopted.
55. My parents had two children who died before I was born and my mom was advised to have children by one doctor and not to by another--so they adopted me.
56. The following year, in June, she had my brother, Azzwipe.
57. My brother is just a waste of space.
58. He has 4 kids, all of them raised by my parents.
59. He is one selfish bastard.
60. Dad likes him best and treats him like a God.
61. That drives me nuts.
62. I'm an ass kisser and want to make people happy.
63. My parents didn't show up for Matt's graduation party. They wanted to go to an auction.
64. I haven't forgiven them.
65. Paul's parents died before I got pregnant with Nate.
66. I really miss them a lot.
67. I love all things Disney.
68. The only vacations we have been on as a family have been to Disney World.
69. We are Notre Dame fans.
70. Quinn is named after Brady Quinn...my idea.
71. I went to Vegas with my friend, Mo, and would really really love to go back.
72. I can't wait for school to start.
73. I have a "lottery house" in town-a house that I would buy if we ever won the lottery. It is still for sale and I drive by all the time to look at it.
74. I love reading organization and decorating magazines.
75. If this job works out for Paul, I'll be doing less reading and more buying to get things done around here.
76. My favorite dish is fresh mozzerella and tomato salad.
77. I love cooking.
78. I have way too many cookbooks.
79. I still have 3 of my favorite stuffed animals from way back when I was little: Mr. Fish, Brown Teddy, and Go Go (some wierd clown thing).
80. I will never get rid of those stuffed animals either.
81. I am anal about the organization of my pantry.
82. This drives Paul nuts.
83. I'm a closet Wiggles fan. Anybody who can make both of my boys that happy is wonderful in my eyes.
84. I love Wierd Al. Matt loves him too.
85. Paul looks kinda like Drew Carey, and I think he's sexy.
86. I really can't think of a star that is still alive that I actually like
.87. I'm crazy about Cary Grant, Jimmy Stewart, and John Wayne. They make me swoon.
88. I love the Beatles and Elvis.
89. I also listen to Kanye West and Usher.
90. I have enough scrapbooking stuff that if I died at 95 and spent 7 hours a day scrapbooking, I'd still leave stuff behind for my kids.
91. The same goes for cross stitching.
92. I hate being stuck at home all day with the kids..we only have one car.
93. Politicly, I lean more to the conservative side.
94. I love both John McCain and Barack Obama personality wise.
95. I am full of useless knowledge. I rock at trivia games.
96. I'm running out of stuff to tell you about me.
97. I need more Clinique foundation.
98. Quinn lost my charm bracelet yesterday. He is so lucky I love him.
99. I love going to Borders, getting a stack of books and magazines and reading.
100. I have some serious love for Target

Boom Bang Bombs

Well, the 4th is history. We had a pretty good one. The evening included the fireworks extravaganza in the middle of our block.

Everyone meets on their own side of the street at the house in the middle of the block. They bring their stash of fireworks and take turns lighting them in the middle of the street. The kids love it and everyone gets to enjoy the show.

Paul and Matt went back out to buy some bottle rockets and the like. They came back with the little stuff I requested and some stuff I told them not to buy. Like, quarter.sticks.of.dynomite.

Yes, you read right. My husband went to the legal fireworks spot and got some stuff from behind the counter. It almost sounds dirty to me. And probably most other people too.

Anywhoooo, we met on our side and the neighbors on the other side met. I must say, it was a pretty good show. The people on the other side of the street had more sparkley in the air type of fireworks. Big boxes of stuff that lasted quite a while. We had more noise. Apparently, Paul was not the only person who found quarter sticks. Car alarms were set off. Houses shook. Street lights turned off momentarily. And the best part--kids giggled and laughed. It was fun.

Afterwards, we went in and gave the boys their baths. Their regular bedtime is at 8:00. It was 11:15 before lights out last night.

Today we are going to hit the local park for the carnival rides and lunch.

Hope you had a great holiday too.

Holiday Fun

Well, we've stopped long enough to give the younger boys a break. They are in the living room watching some patriotic flick with dad. After they rest for a bit, we will go out again and watch our neighbors loose their minds with all the illegal crap they can light up.

Last night, our town had it's annual Twillight Parade. AKA fire truck hell. It seemed like every freaking town in our area took its entire fleet of fire equipment and paraded it down one of our main streets--blaring their sirens the entire route.

Quinn didn't go. He was tired and cranky and well, he has no concept of staying out of the street. Nate loved the parade. Lots of cheap candy and all the neighbor kids commenting on how cool his new style looked. (Cousin who does hair gave him highlights after highlighting my hair earlier in the day.)

The parade was done by 9ish and we picked up our chairs and walked the entire 3 houses down our street and waited for firework hell to break loose. It did--until 2 am. I don't know what brings out the pyros in our town, but they all are out from the end of June until July 5. Perhaps it is the fact that the police turn a blind eye to their activities. Ya think????

Not that we are in any way immune to this. Paul came home empty handed from the local illegal fireworks guy, because he (the fireworks guy, not Paul) had been busted by the police. My brother, Azzwipe, looked at him, laughed and said, "Go back at 6. He should be out by then."

Matt and Paul are going to go get some legal stuff to wake the dead tonight. I'll let you know if any limbs go missing.

I Loves Me Some Target

Target, Tarjay, whatever. I have some serious love for Target. It is my favorite store of.all.time. Except for maybe the Disney Store or Pottery Barn Kids (like I could actually afford anything from there). I love their kids clothes, shoes and the toy department. I buy all my cleaning supplies from there, and their scrapbooking section isn't too shabby either.

I really need to get a life because tonight is the THIRD night in a row I've been to Target. I'm thinking they need to pay me or something. Last night, I got a few cheapie toys for the boys (bubbles, squirt guns, sidewalk chalk) and some cleaning stuff. Tonight was my new-underwear-for-Paul-and-Matt run. I also ended up getting some dryer sheets and a Real Simple magazine. Don't even ask me what I got the night before last, because I don't remember--it had to be cleaning stuff because obviously, I have no clue and who cares about cleaning anywhooo......

I have friends who work at Target. It seems like half of Nate's school works there, and a friend of mine since high school. I wouldn't mind a little part time gig at Target, except for the fact that I'd end up owing them money, and that just sucks. Or I'd screw up and get fired for doing something stupid and then I couldn't show my face there again, and I might as well kill myself if that would happen. Cuz you know life ain't worth livin without the Target.

Well, it is late, Matt's gonna want the computer back, and I've gotta go figure out why I don't have a life.

It is 7:44 and All's Quiet

For the first time in months, the boys are still asleep. This is the new "late."

I really can't tell you what happened. They used to sleep sleep sleep. Now, that is the last thing on their mind. Maybe it is because it gets dark at almost 9 pm and first light is at 5am, perhaps it is a double growth spurt. Maybe our family is stuck in a hole in the time/space continuium.....or this is God's way of getting back at me for the not attending mass thing.
I dunno. I just know I hate this not sleeping thing.

Personally, I LOVE sleeping. LOVE IT. There's nothing better than a great night's sleep....unless it is a nap. Please please, someone tell me to take a nap. Go ahead. I'll take you up on it, I swear.

Matt still sleeps. But he is 18. It is part of his job. By the time he was 3, he was a good sleeper too. Although I remember the year and a half I had to sleep in front of his bedroom door so he wouldn't get up, leave his room and flood the bathrooms. Good times.

Nate was my wonder sleeper. This kid loved a nap as much as his good old mom. He slept for 4 hours at a time from the minute he got home. Eight hours at a time from 5 weeks. God love him. While he still needs some quiet time and takes an occasional nap, I've found myself trying to get him to go back to sleep at like 3 am. WTF!!!!!

Quinn was a former good sleeper too. While he was never as great at it as Nate, he slept through the night at 6 weeks. And while it wasn't 8 hours, I knew I could count on at least 6 hours of sleep a night. And at least one good nap--strangely enough, at the same time as Nate. Now, my sweet Quinn is 4 and he has decided sleeping is for babies, and dammit, he is a big kid. And he fights it. Which is not good.

You see, we have a problem with the not sleeping thing. When my kids get overtired, or they just plain fight going to sleep they go into the dreaded ASSHOLE MODE or AM as Paul and I like to call it. Plain and simple, they act like idiots. Tempers flare, fights happen, fits are thrown and parents wanna throw up their hands and wonder why they decided to have more kids in the first place. AM really really sucks. And both of them go there. Often. Or at least more often than they were about 6 months ago.

We are working on a new schedule, posted in the kitchen complete with pictures for our non-reader, Quinn. We know Nate has aspergers, and Quinn is displaying some classic symptoms too. He will be tested in a couple of months. Kids on the spectrum need structure. So I'll give them as much of it as I can. Hopefully, they will pay me back by giving me a few hours to sleep.

I've gotta go. Quinn has decided it is time to get up. And all hell is gonna break loose soon.

Nate the Great's Birthdate

Dear Nate,

Today you turned six. Where did all the time go??? It seemed like just yesterday, Mommy was sitting around hoping and praying for a baby, and now here you are 6 YEARS OLD.

Let me tell you, son, you were one awesome baby. I will NEVER forget the first time I saw you. Daddy was so afraid to hold you. I think he was afraid you would break. You were beautiful--AND THE HAIR......Oh, Lordy, I will NEVER forget the HAIR. Son, you were born with a full head of the thickest, blackest hair I have EVER seen on a baby. EVER!!!! I looked at your daddy and said, "Good God, I think I just gave birth to Wayne Newton's baby." I know you don't understand who the heck Wayne Newton is now, but I'll tell you more about him one day.

I so enjoyed having you. You were really, the perfect baby. You slept well, you were a great eater, and I believe you loved me as much as I love you. Even though we were having our house remodeled by an idiot, you took it all in stride.

Even now, I look at you and am constantly amazed by how much you've grown. You are such a beautiful boy and even though you can get upset easier now, you still seem like a pretty happy kid most of the time. I love the way you hug me when you walk into a room. I love how you want to help with everything all the time.

Please continue to be you. Don't cave into the pressure of being someone you are not. I know kids gave you grief in kindergarten because you still love Thomas the Tank Engine and the Wiggles. Love them anyway. Try as hard as you can to be kind. Treat others like you want them to treat you.

Nate, you make my life complete. You make it worth living. You are a wonderful young man, and I hope you continue to be the best Nate you can be.

I love you forever and always with all my heart.

Mommy

Stuff About Me

There isn't much to tell about me. At least the really interesting stuff. I'll try to make things short and sweet.

I married Paul in 1994 on his 30th birthday.
My son Matt was born in August 1989, Paul adopted him the year after we married.
We had Nathaniel July 2002.
Quinn was born April 2004
We are owned by 4 dogs: Bob--a 12 year-old rat terrier, Sadie--a 10 year-old lab/shephard mix, Nelson--a 9 year-old westie and something else, and Alice--a 5 month old God-knows-what pup.
Both of Paul's parents are dead, and I no longer talk to mine.
I'm a SAHM.
I love scrapbooking and cross stitching.
I don't ever seem to have enough time to do either.
Two of my three boys are "on the spectrum" (autism and aspergers)--Matt and Nate.
I am afraid that Quinn might be too.
I used to want 6 kids.
I'm about ready to lose my mind with 3.
I need to channel my inner June Cleaver and get my messy house clean.
I would love to spend a day completely alone.
I love all things related to Disney World.
Our family is Catholic.
I worry about money all the time.
Heck, I worry about everything all the time.